Don't Push My Buttons (Triggered)

About This Piece

One of the biggest challenges I work with my clients on is emotional reactivity–being triggered by interactions with others and falling into reactions and communication patterns that don’t reflect their best self.

This tendency shows up in our language. “They made me feel [sad, angry, insecure, etc.]” “If he didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have reacted that way.”

We blame others for pushing our buttons and forget an important truth: you can’t push a button that isn’t there.

Focusing on trying to get others to stop pushing our buttons is a way that we distract ourselves from the only thing we can control–ourselves. When we take responsibility and work on eliminating our buttons or learning from them instead of trying to control other people’s behavior, we unlock our power to control our emotional experience and contribute positively to our interactions instead of pouring fuel on the fire.

What are your biggest pet peeves? Your biggest insecurities? Next time you feel triggered by a situation, take a moment before reacting and ask yourself:

“What about this situation bothers me, specifically? What does this tell me about my values? Now that I know what’s important to me, what would I like to do next?”

Another powerful line of questioning is, “What am I taking this to mean about me? Is there any part of it that’s true, even if I don’t want to acknowledge it? If it is true, is there anything I want to change or do differently as a result?”