What Is Coaching?
The International Coach Federation defines coaching as: “Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.”
But at its core, coaching is one simple thing—space.
It’s intentional, non-judgmental room to step back from your life and observe. To explore your emotions, your experiences, your values. To get clarity on your goals and expectations. To uncover and clear out mental blocks that may be keeping you stuck.
Your coach will be on hand to ask thoughtful and empowering questions, notice patterns you may be unaware of, and reflect your words and thoughts back to you so insight can arise.
What’s the Difference?
Coaching vs. Therapy
Approaches to therapy vary widely, but therapeutic experiences often focus on resolving or healing wounds from the past that may be causing emotional distress in the present. Therapy can also be used to diagnose or treat mental illness or addiction.
While coaching may draw on the client’s experiences in the past to understand their current reality, coaching mainly focuses on allowing the client to reflect meaningfully on the present and what steps they would like to take to create a more satisfying future.
Coaches typically don’t treat mental illness, addiction, or deep-seated trauma. They primarily help clients transform their life from functional to optimal.
Coaching vs. Mentorship
Mentorship is a relationship in which an experienced and trusted advisor counsels and guides a less experienced (typically younger) person in search of personal and career growth.
Mentors use their power, knowledge, and influence to assist their mentee in achieving their goals, sometimes opening doors to opportunities or providing resources. It is often a teaching relationship, where the mentee learns from advice shared by their mentor.
Certain elements of coaching can be similar to mentorship—the primary difference is that in coaching, the coach does not typically share advice, and instead helps the client learn from themselves.
Coaching vs. Friendship
While good friends are an amazing blessing, they’re not necessarily a replacement for a coach. So what does coaching offer that friendship doesn’t?
An exclusive focus on you (not the two-way balancing act of friendship)
Confidentiality–your coach honors your privacy and isn’t attached to your choices, so they can truly help you discover what you think and want
Someone trained to help you experience your emotions fully–a coach doesn’t offer platitudes, tell you to look on the bright side, or get caught up in how your emotions make them feel. They hold space for you and validate what you’re experiencing, while supporting emotional growth
What Can a Coach Do For You?
Create a brave, sacred, and non-judgmental space to help you face what you’ve been avoiding
You might be surprised that I didn’t say “safe space.” Well, I did that on purpose.
To get the most out of coaching, I need you to be willing to be vulnerable, and being vulnerable is risky. You may be a little afraid or uncomfortable—and that’s totally natural.
Part of what I help my clients do is learn to act despite their fear (instead of waiting for the fears to go away). This is being brave. So I like to call my coaching zone a brave space.
It’s also a sacred space, because you are sacred. You are valuable. You are a child of God. Your individuality matters, and your uniqueness will be honored and explored in our sessions.
Finally, it will be a non-judgmental space. We don’t have to have the same values, we don’t have to share beliefs. I’m here to help you process what matters to you, and my personal convictions are irrelevant to your growth. You get to set the boundaries of what we discuss or not, and you get to share freely and honestly—whatever comes up.
Ask clarifying questions that help you untangle the mental and emotional knots that keep you overwhelmed and stuck
Contrary to popular belief, coaching is not about giving advice.
Here’s the thing—most of the advice we get is irrelevant to us, and we end up ignoring it. Why? Because the other person doesn’t know what it’s like to be you. To be in your particular situation, with your mindset, your past, and your goals.
The magic of coaching is in its ability to unlock your inner wisdom. Deep down, you’ve got all the answers you need (or you know where to find them). As your coach, I’m here to help you get in touch with what you already know, and build the self-trust to act on it. So I’m going to ask you questions, brainstorm with you, and help you explore the mental blocks that may be getting in your way.
Summarize, paraphrase, and reflect your words back to you so you can examine your thoughts and embrace your inner wisdom
Sometimes we don’t know what we really think until we say it out loud. Sometimes we say things out loud and realize they’re not entirely reflective of how we feel.
During our coaching sessions, you’ll notice me saying things like:
“So, what I’m hearing you say is….”
“I heard you say ____ and ____, and those seem like they conflict. Which is more true for you?
“Bottom line, it seems like the main challenge here is ______. Did I get that right?”
“I notice you keep using the word ______. What does that word mean for you?”
“I’m hearing some frustration in your voice when you talk about _____. What’s bothering you there?”
These are just a few examples of how I check for understanding and offer my clients space to reflect and clarify what they think or believe.
Help you create realistic and thoughtful actions that support your growth
We don’t truly “know” something until we’ve put it into practice in our lives. This is the essential skill of integration.
At the beginning of every session, we’ll talk about what you want to get out of our time together. At the end, we’ll discuss how much progress we’ve made towards that goal or vision, and talk about how to keep the momentum going between sessions.
If you’re stuck on what to do next, I may offer options for you to try on that I know have worked for other people, but most of my clients intuitively know what they want their next step to be.
At the beginning of the next session, I’ll ask you how that action went. I love this part, because we always learn something—whether you took action or not. There is no fear of “failure,” because the information we get on the action’s result or what got in the way helps us uncover a block we didn’t know was there or devise a new plan that’s a better fit for you.
This is what growth looks like!
Hold belief in the possibility of your transformation until it becomes real enough for you to make it your own
Change is intimidating, and we often hesitate because we don’t know what it feels like to be on the other side of it. Our inner critic tells us we won’t get there (loudly and often). This is why it’s hard to make big changes on your own.
One of my favorite things about coaching is getting to be the cheerleader, the encourager, and the voice that helps quiet that inner critic and tells you the truth about what’s possible for you. As you take action and build evidence of your own courage, eventually you become that voice for yourself!
Is Coaching Right For You?
It’s natural to be a little hesitant when considering a commitment. And the truth is, coaching isn’t right for everyone. Here are a few signs that coaching might be a good fit:
Your life is functional, but you’re ready to take it to the next level–”just ok” isn’t working for you anymore.
You desire more mental, emotional, and physical balance in your life.
You want your relationships (at work, with family and friends) to be more affirming, cooperative, meaningful, and natural.
You want your life to be more reflective of your unique gifts and interests.
You want to feel at home with yourself–to be unified, peaceful, whole, and undivided.
You want decisions–big and small–to be more simple or straightforward, and you’re ready to stop ruminating for days or months afterwards, wondering if you made the right choice.
You want to feel spiritually grounded and for your soul to feel rested and secure.
You want your body to feel nurtured, appreciated, capable, and energized.
You want your financial choices to be sufficient, realistic, and supportive to your values.
You’re willing to make changes and take action.
You believe it would be helpful to have someone supporting you in staying on track.